


Unworthy

by Burgie



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 11:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19905100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: When Daine is plagued by a nightmare, Ydris tries to help. But he never expected this. Daine and Cole belong to HellishSam.





	Unworthy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HellishSam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HellishSam/gifts).



Ever since he'd first started sleeping with Daine (actually sleeping, mind, not what they usually did with their... arrangement), Ydris had known that his fiance suffered from nightmares. Nightmares so bad that they often left him half-changed into his 'true' form, purple scales scattered all over his body and eyes blazing yellow and purple and sometimes even flames that threatened to consume the bed before Ydris got them under control. Those nightmares, though, were ones that Ydris could handle. But tonight, Daine seemed to be consumed by nightmares that didn't terrify so much as they attacked another emotion.

"Daniel?" Ydris whispered, having woken to the sound of soft weeping. Daine's fingernails had turned into claws, but that seemed to be the extent of it tonight.

"No," Daine whispered, trembling as he curled up into a tighter ball, clutching the covers close to him. "No, don't leave, I can't-"

Ordinarily, Ydris knew, it wasn't safe to wake someone from a nightmare. But Daine was so sad, he hated to see his fiance like this. It hurt, even more than it did when he knew that he was the cause of it. As Ydris' hand hovered over Daine's shoulder, ready to shake him awake, another thought came to him, one that he immediately dismissed. No. He couldn't do that, it wasn't right, it was an invasion of privacy and something that would only cause Daine's friends (especially Willow) to hate and mistrust him even more. Ydris looked away, closing his eyes even as the sounds of Daine's distress threatened to undo him. Daine was sobbing now, his claws having torn through the sheets and almost into his hands.

"I can't," Ydris whispered, snatching his outstretched hand back. He clutched his hands to his chest, biting his bottom lip as he tried not to pay too much attention to Daine's suffering. Maybe he should leave, but he couldn't do that. What if Daine woke up and needed him and he wasn't there, what if it got worse, what if that witch Katja had somehow managed to trap Daine in a nightmare realm within his own mind again for some reason? Daine had told him about that before, which had made Ydris feel even worse about what he'd done afterwards. Turning the friends into golden horses after what they'd just been through... he really had been a monster, hadn't he? And the guilt would never go away, nor did Ydris really want the guilt to go away. And then Daine cried out, and Ydris looked back at him, wanting nothing more than to hold him, no matter if Daine ended up accidentally burning him from his emotions.

"Cole," Daine choked out, and Ydris' curiosity overcame his reservations as his hand came down on Daine's forehead without any prior thought. Before he was really aware of what he'd just done, Ydris was whisked away to the land of memories.

Ydris found himself on a darkened street in what he instantly recognised as a bad part of town, wherever this was. The air smelled bad, and not just from the feelings of fear and hatred surrounding the memory. The mist was from more than just how old the memory was, and yet, the houses and apartment buildings, even the street, had been remembered in perfect detail. Daine always had been very good at recalling places. It was something that Ydris found amazing about him, if he was being honest. Maybe he should tell Daine that more often, even if Daine rolled his eyes at him and called him a suck up.

Taking a deep breath of the fetid air (which he immediately regretted), Ydris set out along the road, trying to keep to the areas where the streetlamps (only half of which worked) illuminated the road. He could see several smashed bottles, half the cars on the street didn't look roadworthy (many even had bullet holes), and, as if to follow up on his previous observation, Ydris flinched at the sound of a distant gunshot. Shit. he shouldn't be here, but, even as his heart raced, he knew that he had to find Daine.

Or, rather, Daine found him. From out of an alleyway came what had to be the teenage version of his fiance, laughing like a maniac as he ran from a group of dangerous-looking guys. Wait, no, those guys were with him. What on earth was this? Daine had never told Ydris this, though Ydris had known, somehow, that Daine had had a rough past. Ydris had thought that Daine had been innocent in this, but those were policemen chasing him, firing warning shots that Daine just barely managed to dodge.

"Start the fucking car!' Daine screamed as he ran through Ydris and jumped into the opened door of a car that actually looked half-decent, if out of place in this neighbourhood. Ydris looked behind him and found another boy around Daine's age sitting behind the wheel of the car, picked out in perfect detail. Ydris' heart sank at the sight of it, knowing exactly what this meant. Only lovers were remembered in such perfect detail, right down to the tiny flecks of gold in Cole's blue eyes and the disarrayed mess of his red hair. Even the little scar on his palm as Cole worked the gears and twisted the wheel to peel out onto the road. Ydris knew that he shouldn't follow.

And yes, there was guilt as Ydris transferred himself to the back seat of the car, guilt that only intensified the further away they got. Oh, and there was the fear as gunshots rang out behind them, one pinging off the roof of the car so close that Ydris yelped. It went unheard, though, of course, and Daine only laughed in delight while Cole looked like he might be about to strangle him.

They drove for what seemed like hours, though a little less than that thanks to how fast they were going, until Cole finally pulled over near an abandoned field. Ydris could see the hulking shape of a barn and a darkened farmhouse in the distance, but the field was overgrown with weeds and had more rocks than any other kind of stock. He wondered where they were, but a sound in front of him drew his attention away.

"You fucking idiot, how am I supposed to explain that bullet hole to my parents, huh?" Cole was asking, glaring at the boy who sat in the passenger seat with a trademark grin that Ydris knew well. The mustache was new, though.

"Aw, c'mon, it was a graze at best," said Daine, leaning closer to him. Ydris didn't want to watch, but he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away. As their lips met, Ydris felt his heart crack. It was only what he deserved, he told himself. But fuck, it still hurt like a bitch. Ydris at last managed to tear his eyes away, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He had to get out of here.

"You're a reckless idiot, you know that?" said Cole, his eyes still blazing. But there was a different heat there, too.

"You love me," said Daine, giving Cole a smirk that Ydris had thought was reserved solely for him. God, was this how Daine felt every time Ydris used to flirt with someone else? Was this how he'd felt that night? But no, this was different, because it was in the past, but... Ydris had thought that he was Daine's first love, at least. Or first something else, he amended as the kiss in front of him progressed. The car's engine had been turned off, and now, Daine climbed over onto Cole's lap, still kissing him, his hands going under Cole's shirt as the kiss deepened in intensity. Cole moved his seat back, and the growl that came from Daine's throat seemed cruel. But Ydris still couldn't look away, not even when Cole reached for Daine's fly and started to kiss Daine's neck.

Until a light snapped on, causing the two to spring apart. Ydris felt relief flood him, even as the fear in Daine's eyes cauesd his own heart to skip a beat.

"Shit, that's the farmer, let's go," said Daine, clipping his seatbelt on frantically as Cole moved his seat forward and started the car again. Ydris was left on the road, the memory fading away, as a disgruntled old man ran through him. That was... Daine had been... Cole was his boyfriend?

Ydris knew that he'd regret this later, but he had to know. And it was almost too easy to tap into more memories. Memories of the two kissing outside the school, at the school, in the bathrooms, memories of Daine running from the cops and greeting Cole with a kiss in the getaway car. Memories of Daine hiding outside of a very nice house and sneaking up to a window where Cole was doing his homework. Memories of kisses stolen under the stars, memories of... the sheer love that Daine held for this boy. And the love that Cole definitely returned.

Ydris was almost glad when it all came to a screeching halt at a memory of woods in the middle of the night. When a disoriented Daine stumbled through the trees, looking tired and haggard, his knuckles bruised and scratched up, branches getting caught on his clothing, barefoot and bleeding. To a shallow grave that Daine knelt at, almost disbelieving. Ydris had to look away as Daine began to dig, and he wrapped his arms around himself at the horrified scream. Daine stumbled through him, and Ydris could only look at the ground, tears dripping down his face. He made his exit, feeling like he'd just been peeking in on something that he shouldn't be seeing. And really, hadn't he been doing just that?

"Cole!' Daine screamed, and Ydris froze as he found himself back in their bed, his hand snatched away from Daine's forehead that was now burning hot. But Daine's eyes were open now, his shoulders heaving as he took in the room around him. Ydris had to catch his breath, had to compose himself. But he knew that he looked guilty when Daine looked at him.

"It's okay, Daniel, my phoenix, you're here, you're safe," said Ydris, pulling Daine into his arms. He expected Daine to push him away, to be mad at him, but Daine was clearly too distraught to do that.

"Just hold me, please," Daine managed to get out, his voice sounding tight as he clutched Ydris to him tightly. He still felt like he was burning up, and his claws dug into Ydris' back, but Ydris felt that he deserved that after what he'd just done. He didn't want to admit to it, but Daine deserved to know. He feared that he'd taken Daine along on the memory ride with him, and he knew from experience that Daine hated to remember that night in the woods.

"Daniel, I am... so sorry," said Ydris, trembling. "You deserve someone far better than me, you deserve him." Guilt was a new feeling to him, one that he loathed, but right now, it was twisting his heart, chastising him for daring to look into Daine's mind, into his memories, for that violation of Daine's privacy.

"You saw that?" Daine croaked. Ydris expected him to pull away now, but he didn't.

"I made a mistake," said Ydris. "A big one. Cole never would have done that to you."

"That was you?" Daine asked, his voice quiet. Too quiet.

"Yes," said Ydris, the word coming out as a sob. "I-I didn't mean to, honestly I didn't, I didn't want to, but-"

"But you did," said Daine. "I guess I should've told you earlier, huh?"

"You do not owe an explanation of your past to anyone, mon phenix," said Ydris, stopping Daine with a finger to his lips.

"After everything we've been through, you deserve to know," said Daine. "I'm guessing you saw everything, but that was Cole. My boyfriend. I loved him so much." The hurt in his voice was so raw that Ydris felt his own heart cracking further.

"Your life would be so much better if he were here," said Ydris. Daine shook his head, tears still dripping down his face.

"No, I'd be fucking dead," said Daine. "If they hadn't killed him, they would've killed me. That's why it freaked me out so much. It was the wake up call I needed. And I have you now, so it's okay."

"No it's not," said Ydris, tears still pouring down his cheeks. He'd never cried so much before meeting Daine. Daine was his weakness, something that he should avoid. But doing that had hurt worse than anything else. "You loved him and he was so good for you."

"He was," said Daine, silent as he remembered. He shook his head. "But he's dead, and I accepted that a long time ago."

"Do you still love him, though?" Ydris asked. "If he was still alive, would you...?"

"It's not good to think like that," said Daine, putting a gentle hand on Ydris' shoulder. "He's dead, and you can't love someone who's dead. I love you now. Please don't die."

"I won't," said Ydris, touching Daine's cheek. "And I will try to be half as good as he was. Impossible as that may be."

"You don't have to be him," said Daine. "I fell in love with you, not him. I promise. That's why I agreed to marry you."

"Would you have married him?" Ydris asked. He knew that he was just hurting himself now, but the question came unbidden.

"I don't know," said Daine. "But the past needs to stay in the past. Can you do that for me? Please?"

"Will you tell me about him?" Ydris asked. "Another day, I mean?"

"Yeah, I think I can do that," said Daine, letting out a breath. "But right now, can you just hold me?"

"After what I put you through? It's the least I can do," said Ydris, pulling Daine into his arms. Guilt threatened to overwhelm him, but Daine stroked his back, knowing that he needed it. And he was the one who'd just awoken from a nightmare. Ydris had never felt so vulnerable before, but... maybe he could be vulnerable. But only around Daine.


End file.
